blah random thoughts

so this is me thinking.perhaps if i write it all out it will make more sense to me. salt lake has more opportunity to meet ppl and to go some where in a career. but i am tired of living here and working all the time and having no money cause i pay all the bills on time which is why i need to get a career and get some money. but i could move home.. i would still have to pay the rent there. i could go to school here and there but i would miss out on this semester unless i started it here or moved before my lease was up and move back home. i guess im just tired of being alone out here.. all of my friends are seriously in relationships and so happy with them that i dont have anyone to hang with...when im not working. which is all the friggin time! I wanna move to new york. ha just a thought. id love to move home and be home with sin when she raises her baby but id much rather be home in a few years when i have a career and can afford to help her out better. if i go home ill have family that love me but i will still be in russellville. which i hold a big grudge against that city. it has nvr done anything for me. this sounds stupid but i dont want to go to a high school reuniion and say that i still live in russellville. how LAME is that for real! there is more of a music scene out here. there is more oppourtunity to progress out here. i guess i just need to find better friends that wont ditch me all the time. every time i try to figure this out in my head i come to the conclusion that staying here is the better choice. i think im just gonna give this place one more semester. i cant really lose anything. i will go to school and try to start something for myself. i know arkansas has schools i can go to but like i said...i just dont wanna live there again. i would love if my family would live by me. im not saying i will nvr move home bc if after this semester nothing has happened...i havnt been able to save money..i havnt gone on a few dates...i havnt progressed any in school..then i will prolly move home but for now i think i will just stay here. i will get on ksl and find a cheap place to live at the beginning of jan. my car is almost paid off so i can get a new one i just really hope that it doesnt die before i get the chance to get a new one. stay with me car! i think right now i am just tired of being broke although i work like 60 hrs a wk. im tired of not being able to have a social life because i work all the time and when i get the chance to hang i dont have money to do anyting. im tired of other ppl being in realtionships and it seems impossible for me to even get a guy to ask me out. im tired of the 5 pds ive gained because i dont have time to exercise and im tired of being so damn cold all the time. well i think thats it for now. im glad i got to write this out. it actually helped to clear my head. now i just have to get registered for school. i get to go home soon. i wish i could visit for longer then 9 days but thatll prolly be enough to keep me broke for a bit:)