no worries...im just an insomniac.

its cold in the desert at night. my brain doesnt seem to shut off anymore. sleep isnt natural anymore. i have to force it with pills. but its too late for that right now. i will have to fall into a big pile of exhaustion sometime after dawn. thought after thought. school,family,religion,love,friendships. things that should be put away and thought about after a good nights rest. i will fall asleep and wake up to my continuing thought process. 

life is about making it what you want it to be. all the power in the world is held within each individual. we take the power we have and put it towards the happiness we think will bring us joy. i want to fix everyone i meet. i want to make sure their life is full of happiness before i move on to the next. money should not be a factor in this but it is. i want to be able to help those in need. i cant. i want to fix the world. i cant. i want to sleep. i cant. 

perhaps this life isnt about getting what i want. it is about learning how to help others in their time of need. i look at people around me....most of them older than me...most of them telling me how young and naive i am....most of them in need of  a smile and a chat chit. i will be the young and naive one to help them out. i will be the one to fix them and then move on to the next. 

perhaps the next hour will bring sleep.

the story

so life is turning out to be quite interesting lately. this is in no way a diss on you sieanne but when u were here i was comfortable just hanging with you. we didnt really get out much. but lately i have been getting out and actually meeting new people and hanging out with them. its quite exciting and somewhat of a new concept for me. haha im lame. so i got accepted to ldsbc. im pretty excited about that for sure. i feel like im trying to make something of my life again. it also means that my stay in SLC is gonna be longer than i ever expected. i thought a year was gonna b the max but itll b a bit longer now. so life is moving forward. im excited to see what happens for sure.