no worries...im just an insomniac.

its cold in the desert at night. my brain doesnt seem to shut off anymore. sleep isnt natural anymore. i have to force it with pills. but its too late for that right now. i will have to fall into a big pile of exhaustion sometime after dawn. thought after thought. school,family,religion,love,friendships. things that should be put away and thought about after a good nights rest. i will fall asleep and wake up to my continuing thought process. 

life is about making it what you want it to be. all the power in the world is held within each individual. we take the power we have and put it towards the happiness we think will bring us joy. i want to fix everyone i meet. i want to make sure their life is full of happiness before i move on to the next. money should not be a factor in this but it is. i want to be able to help those in need. i cant. i want to fix the world. i cant. i want to sleep. i cant. 

perhaps this life isnt about getting what i want. it is about learning how to help others in their time of need. i look at people around me....most of them older than me...most of them telling me how young and naive i am....most of them in need of  a smile and a chat chit. i will be the young and naive one to help them out. i will be the one to fix them and then move on to the next. 

perhaps the next hour will bring sleep.

the story

so life is turning out to be quite interesting lately. this is in no way a diss on you sieanne but when u were here i was comfortable just hanging with you. we didnt really get out much. but lately i have been getting out and actually meeting new people and hanging out with them. its quite exciting and somewhat of a new concept for me. haha im lame. so i got accepted to ldsbc. im pretty excited about that for sure. i feel like im trying to make something of my life again. it also means that my stay in SLC is gonna be longer than i ever expected. i thought a year was gonna b the max but itll b a bit longer now. so life is moving forward. im excited to see what happens for sure.

RAWR. that means i love you in dinosaur!

and a round of applause for sieanne. she made it in utah for 6 months and 28 days. its amazing how many experiences one can have in that amount of time. 6 months and 28 days can mean nothing in one persons life and everything in anothers. i think life is about living. mistakes will be made, love will be lost, friends will be made and lessons will be learned. congrats on a memorable time here. take care of yourself and mush!

while the city sleeps, we rule the streets

i am loving the city. it has taken about 6 months but i love it! i come into salt lake everyday now. i go to coffee break every morning with sieanne and we chill for about 30 minutes and just listen to the traffic drive by. then we go to work at atomic blonde! it is a way fun job to have! i dont get paid in a traditional way! i get free product like every week! hahaha so fun! i cant believe me and sin have been here for 6 months. it is just mind-blowing. haha we didnt even venture into the city for like the first 3 months we lived here! now i cant wait for our lease to be up so we can move closer into the city for another year of fun! i love the friends ive made here and the new lifestyle ive adjusted to. its definitely a much faster paced one then what ive been used to the past 20 years. i just love this city. it is definitely a hippie culture here. yesterday a friend asked me what was different from here and arkansas. i told him there are less cows. he said that there are cows here. i laughed a bit and told him i havnt seen any. i also love that there is always something going on here. the past 2 weekends there have been different festivals. there was an eco friendly "go green" festival then a folk one! so fun. this summer is going to be packed with free concerts! im so excited! alright well back to work....nah...back to fun! 

oh please just let me please breakdown

My empty room

Crowded to soon
I look for the fire escape
I picture myself
Running like hell
Making my getaway

The walls are caving in with no warning
This ship is sinking, I gotta swim for it
I'm running out of air

Break me out tonight
I wanna see the sun rising anywhere but here
Come with me
Oh, this could be
The only chance we get
We gotta take it
We don't do it now we'll never make it
Lose this crowd
Oh break me out

Whisper of our feet
Sneak down the street
Some kind of secret race
They'll carry on
Won't notice we're gone
So easily replaced

The walls are caving in with no warning
This ship is sinking, I gotta swim for it
I'm running out of air

Break me out tonight
I wanna see the sun rising anywhere but here
Come with me
Oh, this could be
The only chance we get
We gotta take it
We don't do it now we'll never make it
Lose this crowd
Oh break me out

The walls are caving in with no warning
This ship is sinking, I gotta swim for it
I got a feeling we're better off anyway
I don't care what they say

Break me out tonight
I wanna see the sun rising anywhere but here
Come with me
Oh, this could be
The only chance we get
We gotta take it
We don't do it now we'll never make it
Lose this crowd
Oh break me out

yep....my feelings i life right now. so much happening for seamlessly no reason at all. happening all at once and yet time doesnt move. moments in life like this are needed but just not now would be nice.

day 13 of 13-the final riot!

well last night was it! my 30 day journey turned to 13. i think i still became a little bit of a night owl. last night was fun. some drunken boys that come through all the time came through last night and we ended up hanging out in the parking lot. haha! aight so some of the lessons ii have learned over the past 2 weeks. i have learned to be patient with drunk and stoned persons when they are ordering really slowly! i have learned to be completely bored for hours and not go to sleep because of it. i have learned to not be so jumpy when hobos walk by...although i still am a really jumpy person. i have also learned to sleep during the day...which kinda sucks because i now have to relearn to sleep at night like most other normal/boring peeps! yep yep well thats it...thats all! goodbye graveyard!